Turn Confrontation into Effective Workplace Communication

Some of us avoid confrontation because we don't like the stress it causes. Some use it as a way to bully others. If you don't like going head to head, think of how we prepare for talking with the other person. Typically we start by listing all of our main points of the argument. Then we try to figure out how to make our own possible fault seem minimal. Next we "stand tough," not letting anyone get the better of us. Is it any wonder why a simple misunderstanding can escalate into an all-out war?

The differences that create a confrontational situation are often rooted in distinct perceptions of those involved plus various communication styles. The following are several communication styles and less confrontational alternatives:

"I would like to discuss why you're late every Monday morning" versus "You never get to work on time. I guess this job just isn't important to you."

"We need to talk about why you spend much of your workday visiting with other employees or on personal phone calls" versus "Quit gossiping and get to work."

"Could we schedule routine reports so they don't conflict with high-priority projects?" versus "Why do you pile on all these weekly reports when you said the yearly budget is top priority?"

Solutions

Turn potentially confrontational situations into fact-finding conversations. A manager can easily request a meeting with the employee or employees. An employee can ask to discuss a topic of concern with his or her manager.

Whoever requests the discussion should approach it with a blank slate and no preconceived notions about either's motives. Ask simple questions rather than make accusations, so facts can be presented.

Through objective, fact-finding communication, we can learn the true reasons why a situation arose in the first place. For example:

An employee is late for work on Monday mornings because he cannot drop his children off at daycare until 7:45 a.m. Other days, he can drop them off at 7:15.

The employee seen visiting with fellow workers missed a two-week training class due to a family emergency and hasn't been able to make it up yet. Many of the work protocols are unfamiliar to her, but she doesn't want to look stupid to her manager.

The manager assumed that her employee would discuss any misunderstandings of work priorities since it seems straightforward. The employee reminds her manager that she has taken on part of the responsibilities for a co-worker out on vacation.

These are simple ways of turning potential conflicts into fact-finding missions. Simple is not the same as easy. It requires individuals to check their emotions and preconceptions at the door. The result is a conversation that may validate a perception and require an uncomfortable—but beneficial—course of action. However, once the facts become known, results are often positive. Supportive tools such as additional training, communication improvements, and priority reviews can offer win-win solutions.

Source: J.R. Porter & Associates

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